First I lived in Delaware. Then in Pennsylvania. Then Delaware again. Then Maryland. Now I live in California.

Sometimes I’m sad that there’s no real unexplored space left on Earth and half hope they find another planet like Earth so I can check it out.

I have always enjoyed writing. (All writers say that but it’s true with me and they’re all probably lying.) Even when I’m not writing, I am, just without a pen or a keyboard. That’s why there’s sometimes a blank look on my face.

I have an MFA in Screenwriting from UCLA.

I was almost kidnapped when I was in the third grade and (according to the police there) pressed in the sex slave trade in Egypt. My life would have been very different had that happened. For instance, my first sentence on this page would have had Egypt after Pennsylvania and I probably wouldn’t have gotten around to living in Maryland and California.

Once when I was only a child I tried to give a homeless man in Baltimore a pound of fudge that I had just spent all my money on, and he swore at me and threw the beloved candy away. I still think about that sometimes.

Sometimes people comment that I’m smarter than they initially thought I was.

The first girl I kissed told me that I was cuter from farther away. (Immediately after we kissed.)

Sometimes I make people laugh, and then do the same thing that made them laugh and it makes them angry instead.

Basically, I am a human range of unmet expectations, from the good kind to the very bad kind.

I think I spent most of my childhood exploring a creek at the bottom of a hill, and even now I feel a surge of uncontainable excitement when I’m about to turn over a submerged stone and see what lives below.

I’ve been in a rock band (actually, 3 of them) and the most recent one was quite good. Everyone should be in at least one rock band at some point in their life.

I’ve never hit a game-winning shot in basketball, but my son has hit 2 and he’s not even 13 yet. That’s better.

I enjoy believing in Bigfoot, Nessie, Chupacabra, the Jersey Devil and all manner of cryptozoological creatures because the world is more fun that way, but in my quieter more honest moments I’ll admit that I’m afraid that maybe they are just made up.

I am afraid of three things: Serial killers, Alien Abductions, and Sharks. I heard a radio show about an entity called the Hat Man the other night, and he is trying his hardest to join the club.

Here are a few pictures of me

But remember, if these pictures are not pleasing to your eyes, just take a couple steps back. I’ve been told I’m better looking from farther away.